Monday, February 28, 2011

mode : i want to run...

..tgh aku dok brg2 di katil ku yang terlalu empuk tu....aku terfikir....apa lagi yg leh aku wat untuk menarik perhatian aku yg sentiasa bengong tu........tiba2 terlintas di fikiran aku...AKU NK BERLARI...saja nk berlari...g jogging tambah stamina...mesti best kan...g lari...tenangkan fikiran...leh pandang2 pemandangan hijau..oksigen pun leh berkitar di salur darah aku.....wah...bestnya....bdn pun leh kurus agaknya ala2 zaman sekolah dulu...hehe...suka.....
tp sebenarnya...kita ni xleh lari dari kenyataan...lari dari yg dah tertulis untuk kita...yg telah berlaku pada kita....hadapi dgn senyuman...hadapi dgn tenang...mohon pada Allah dipermudahkan....jgn wat org marah pada kita...kita wat salah, kita mohon maaf...org buat salah, kita maafkan...
kita kene berlari untuk mengejar cita2 kita..mengejar cinta kita...
kita kene berlari untuk mengejar syurga Allah...
aku ingin berlari....nnt aku g beli kasut...aku nk berlari...sampai ke destinasi.....
on your mar..get set..go..............

Sunday, February 27, 2011

mode : need distraction..

...need distraction..apa yg best untuk dibuat???
..td tgh drive...tiba2 terfikir...aku nk bertukang lak....nak wat small little cupboard or my toilet..tmpt letak brg2 toilet...kalo x, selalunya sepah jer...yg baru, yg lama...semua aku letak dlm toilet...yg baru aku susun kat satu tmpt..yg tgh guna, aku susun kat sinki....mmg x best langsung...mmg terfikir nk beli lama almari kecik ni tp harga dia mahal ler....bkn x mampu tp mcm x berbaloi jer...lagi2 yg ikea punya...kalo dpt yg DIY punya pun syok gak...wat sendiri... best gak ni kan bertukang...wah...xsabar nk bertukang....hahaha....lalalalala.....jd ker??
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pening wat jadual...bila x byk request lg pening....keadilan mesti sama rata...yg wat TL,yg wat double shif...emmm...susah bila tak bercakap...susah bila nk tak berkomunikasi....hati pun x senang....dalam hati ada marah...ada bengang...ada kebosanan...eemmmmm...
...need distraction...to take me away...let me sleep foreva...if possible it can be....

Friday, February 25, 2011

mode : yesterday's mix gut......

bgn lambat walaupun keje pg
 -  not good...need to speed sbb nk kene sampai before 6.40am...and time tu dh pukul 6.20....kalo la da bike....
try to withdraw duit tp xdpt   
-  not satisfy coz kad hampir kene telan pasal kat skrin atm tu tulis  card cannot be read....kad punya la br and cantik...
try again withdraw duit
-  senyum lebar sbb byk la plak duit dlm ni....tp tiba2 curious...mana dtg????/
member citer pasal abg rx6
- not so happy...sbb..sbb....kalo leh x mau tau pasal dia lg.....tp..tp....cannot be helped i guessed...sbb dia pun member gak...jgn la aku dgr berita dia p.a.s.s.a.w.a.y.....tlg la.....
printout payment slip
-  senyum blk...explained y gaji da lebih.....
fly to sabah
-  big smile....successfully dapat beli ticket ke kk serendah rm32 return...huhu.........
paid the reunion
- happy sbb dpt sokong usaha kawan2 yg berusaha dktkan x-crew   mcd #146....tp x sure nk g sbb ntah....berat je hati...
family dinner
-  lokasi tupai2....seronok dapat bersama family...babah cite pasal zaman muda dia...gengster gak ek..selalu sneak out dari camp....cite babah dan kawan2 yg darurat sbb kelaparan...land rover rosak di tgh jalan hutan...jumpa lak kedai non-halal...kerana darurat kelaparan...minta tauke kedai goreng mi dgn kicap jer...emm...askar..what u expected...survival tinggi.....
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hari ni tak lagi mode aku.....tp pg2 dh jumpa bf-4eva-neva-b.... huhahahahahahahahaha.....................tp xbermakna apa2............

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

WHAT DO THEY KNOW?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...................................
I face the world with a smile, no one knows what is hid inside.
They see only happiness, they cant see the tears I've cried.
When I am alone I hurt, because here I do it well.
In front of all the watchful eyes my heaven turns to hell.
The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.
Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or wrong?
In the end I gave him up, but inside still sing his song.
I don't know how to find the strength I thought I had.
If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.
They say that life goes on and someday I'll smile again.
But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?
I've traveled so far from home, and can't find my way back.
Somewhere along the way I must have jumped the track.
I saw him just today and his smile is still the same.
He looked at me so sweetly, but never spoke my name.
I wonder if he remembers me, It hasn't been that long.
He may have forgotten me, but I still sing his song..

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wandering...can it be a good song??wandering if i could compose a song??
anyway.....this poet i dedicate for those who have walked into my life...the ones that  i let walked away, the ones that i let to stay, and the ones that i refused to let go..and the ones who choose to go even without my willingness...........4 unforgiven anger..4 unspoken hurt...4 the sadness and 4 all mistakes i made...
truly, i apologize...  

Monday, February 21, 2011

mode : keliru dlm celaru....

boring dgn perasaan ni...
kejap keliru..kejap celaru...kejap keliru...kejap celaru...kejap keliru...kejap celaru....
shoot through your heart..and u will see...u give love a bad name....
should i?or should not?should i?or should not?
..Cause I'm Broken when I'm open..And I don't feel like I am strong enough..Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome..And I don't feel right when you're gone away..


....td ada cite dlm news....pasal peragut yg mati akibat dilanggar oleh mangsa...he sentenced to death and fully deserved that....sapa suruh meragut??indon lak tu...jgn psal kes ni, depa kat indon tu merusuh lagi kat depan malaysia embassy....bkr2 jalur gemilang yg tercinta.....just because sorang rakyat dia mati akibat meragut....duduk baik2 la kat malaysia...jgn dok wat jahat....


pastu...ada lak dalam bbc.uk ..news online....tajuk dia...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12486003 British gay Muslims seek Islamic wedding (

Asra and Sarah decided upon a 'nikah' - a Muslim matrimonial contract. Whilst nikahs have traditionally been the reserve of heterosexual Muslims, Asra and Sarah were aware that other gay Muslims had followed this route and the couple decided to investigate further.A few friends said you don't really have to have an official Imam, but you need someone who is knowledgeable enough about the Qur'an to do it. Fortunately, one of our friends was, and she offered to do it. She's a lesbian herself, and she said we could do it in her home...

apa nk jadi dgn dunia sekarang ni...diorg ni xtakut ke dgn balsan tuhan???mengucap panjang aku.....Ya Allah...selamatkan lah akidah golongan2 bengong ni....giler betul...menakutkan aku jer....seronok sgt ke jd golongan tu???ish....jauhkan lah aku,  keluarga aku...kawan2 aku dari terjerumus dlm golongan ni....amin...

back to cite aku....stil keliru...stil celaru....bila la nk clear mind ni.....masih terbyg hollands...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

mode : ngantuk tahap langit ke lapan...

tp tu la...ngantuk tp aku xleh nk tdo...6 hari aku dok rumah, xsampai 20jam aku tdo..melangok aku sorang2 pandang kiri, pandang kanan...kalo berteman, best gak...leh kacau2.....mungkin gara2 prescription yg aku amik sekarang ni..mg nya tingi sangat..kalo kene urine test ni, wajib kantoi....tp Alhamdulillah....stok untuk 5 hari telah aku abiskan...pas ni tak yah mkn ubat lagi...mkn ubat jer, bdn naik...boring...boring...tp apa kan daya....kalo x mkn ubat, stok lepak kat ER lak...kalo da doktor hensem,single kira aci la dok sana berjam2...tp ni...takat MA pun xleh nak masuk kan ubat dalam salur darah aku...hehe...teringat pengalaman tahun lepas...aku pun reda masa tu...wat nebulizer 5 kali tp x jalan...pastu try injection ubat xleh gak...siap panggil kawan tolong inject tp x jalan gak....aku lupa nak nk beritau agaknya...salur2 urat aku ni semuanya wayar besi....hehe....emm...cuaca kat malaysia pun aku x tahan...ni kan lagi nk wat persediaan gi migrate...
esok ( 16/02/11)..aku dijadualkan masuk keje blk...camner la perasaan aku...aku sebenarnya dh xda hati g keje...xda pemangkin...lg2 kene nmpk bangunan besar di atas bukit sana pg dan blk keje...
ptg td lak...aku g lepak ikano...g lepak popular, bc buku...seronok gak hobi br aku ni....lepas ni mcm nk tulis novel lak... tujuan sebenar g ikano sbb nk letihkan bdn...so that jap lagi leh tdo...tp nmpk gayanya mcm xda tanda2 nk ngantuk...sesekali nikmat tdo ditarik kejap, suffer giler....ya Allah..ampun kan la aku....amin..
hollands...menggamit tangan....mai la..mai la.................

Monday, February 14, 2011

Dadali - Di Saat Aku Mencintaimu



....jiwang lagi....but i guessed...it cant be helped anymore....so redah jelah....my mistakes too..over confident...hehe....another version of sad story........

Sunday, February 13, 2011

mode : not so good...very sad!!!

because :
1. bgn2 tdo... terdengar my mum stori-telli kat my sis....kalo aku da kat rumah, my mum xda peluang tgk tv sbb aku yg byr astro beratus ringgit...BETUL KE?that serious?tp aku mcm biasa la...silence is always the policy....
(solution - spend my time more outside...pg cari rumah sewa ker..g beli rumah ker...dok ofis berjam2 ke...tdo x bgn2 ker..ap saja la janji tak dok rumah...nnt da yg complain tak dpt tgk tv...)

2. teringin sangat nk bake cake...tp sumpah demi Allah aku langsung tak tau nk wat camner...puas bg hint kat mak tp very well ignorance...kalo adik2 blk rumah, semua pun dpt fav food...aduhai....payah kalo dah over berdikari ni...so, ptg td ask lini to drive me to bakery...but stil cant get what i want....

3. rite now..aku under prescription...tp apa kan daya...ubat ngantuk giler just aku yg xleh tdo..ubat pun dah imun dgn anti bodi aku...letih mata...start lelap jer, batuk datang mcm ribut...time berjaga, setenang taiping lak...bodoh betul!!!!!!!!!!!

pening..pening....

i just cant stand 'back stab'...
i just cant stand envious...
ntah la...celaru betul hidup aku...bende kecik pun mau dengki2...mau caras2...pening aku terpaksa mengadap bende2 kecik camni...what the H***...
bila fikir blk...mcm penat je kan aku dok backing kawan2 yg aku syg...dok sokong jer...mmg sedih...hati ni ikhlas nk menolong tp...........................
pada kawan aku tu yg aku syg...jgn la dengki2 dgn aku lagi...x dpt aper pun...tak rugi, and xda untung...aku selalu jg nama baik, perasaan, masalah...juga menangkan awak bila ada yg mengata...tp bende kecik camni pun mau dengki??tolong la...i dont want to lose my dear friends...
jgn sesekali pertikaikan rezeki Allah Taala... kita tak tau apa yg kita akan dapat..akan hadap..setiap org dalam dunia ni ada qouta nya sendiri...aduhai...what next...aku dah ler ada genetik cepat geram kat org...geram kat sini adalah dalam konteks menyampah,benci..silap gaya bertahun aku jadi halimunan...alahai...how to face this world dgn perangai buruk aku yg satu ni??????
time ni la...kalau ada abg.....plz help me...i need ur advise as usual...huhuhu...even though kekdg tu advise dia mcm kelako..tp aku wat pedoman gak...hasilnya...aku dah pandai tenangkan diri...hehe.....
tiba2 teringat...dia dah xda..dia dah xda.....emm........need to survive on my own...tp apa nk wat???wat bodoh jelah kot...tp hati xleh nk tipu..sedikit sebyk mmg rasa marah tu membara jer........

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

aduhai ...rindu lagi...

apa pulak g aku mis hari ni...sdgkan mis2 yg lain belum surut lagi..giler dah aku...abis la...uhuks...sedihnya...tp pada siapa nk aku luahkan...
alahai romantisnya diorg berdua ni...bakar marshmallow lagi....
kali ni..aku rindu sgt nk bercamping...g dok tepi laut...and pasang khemah...kalo leh masak lagi best...wat pencemaran alam...tp mesti mest dpt camping tepi laut...dulu masa kat uitm, penah sekali aku camping kat pd...walaupun, bukan betul2 camping sbb yg pompuan kene dok chalet...tp aktiviti semua kat tepi pantai...aduhai...xda geng ker nk camping....
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kalo dok tepi laut, leh tgk sunset...tgk sunrise...mesti best kan....nnt nk g universal studio dgn kak yan....nnt kita g yer..boring la kl...jiwa kacau...kacau..kacau.....sampai bila nk reda....